Taken from actual police videos ...

games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real

@@ -12433,6 +12433,39 @@ And sure enough she'll take you home and make you wanna die.
 	(chorus)
 		-- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Fair Game"
 %
+Taken from actual police car videos:
+
+(15) Relax!  The handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll
+     stretch out after you wear them awhile.
+(14) Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate
+     a worthless document.
+(13) If you run you'll only go to jail tired.
+(12) Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?  In case you didn't
+     know that's the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
+(11) So you don't know how fast you were going.  I guess that means I
+     can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?
+(10) Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
+     it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?
+(9)  Warning? You want a warning?  OK, I'm warning you not to do that
+     again or I'll give you another ticket.
+(8)  The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
+     drunk or not.  Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
+%
+Taken from actual police car videos:
+
+(7) Fair?  You want me to be fair?  Listen, fair is a place where you
+    go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.
+(6) Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
+    oven.
+(5) No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to have quotas but
+    now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
+(4) Just how big were those two beers?
+(3) In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC.
+(2) I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
+    yours.  At least you know someone who can post your bail.
+(1) You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets?
+    You're right, we don't -- sign here.
+%
 Taoism: Shit Happens.
 Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit Happens".
 Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.